Smothered in Pumpkin Spice

Ah, fall. There’s a crisp chill in the air and, what’s that? Oh yes, the smell of pumpkin. Pumpkin spice, to be exact, likely drifting towards you from the nearest Starbucks location or perhaps the girl in UGG boots, a North Face and leggings standing next to you.

In any case, we’re excited, right? I am. Bring on the pumpkin! I found myself walking through the grocery store a few weeks back, pumpkin pie spice and a can of pumpkin puree in my cart, when I came to a halt. Before me I found a girl squatting to take a snapchat of a nearby display: pumpkin spiced dog treats. My jaw hit the floor. For two reasons:

  1. My dog tried to eat a thumbtack recently. Is she really going to thank me for fall-flavored treats? Which leads me to…
  2. Are other dog parents buying these for their pets? Is my dog going to have FOMO if I don’t buy her these? I just can’t afford to put her through another round of therapy after she didn’t get the Sexy Beast dog perfume she asked for at Christmas last year

Jokes aside, these treats do exist (so does unisex dog perfume, apparently), along with plenty of more products that make me SMH (“shake my head” for non-millennials. If you don’t recognize the term, please read about connecting with millennials here).

Here they are (you’re welcome), ranked from “Maybe you’re on to something here” to telling your barber, “I’d like the Donald”:

5. Country Crock Pumpkin Spice Butter
Fine, take my money. I’ll try this one, no questions asked.










4. Pumpkin Spice Oreos
On first thought, this might be a good idea. On second thought, this likely tastes like a Yankee Candle. On third thought, can we even call this an Oreo anymore? What would our forefathers think of this?









3. Pumpkin spice peeps You’re drunk, go home peeps.
Return to your normal flavor (which, while we’re on the topic, is what exactly?) and return in April.









2. Pumpkin Spice lip balm
You know, for those of us who eat our lip balm.







1. Pumpkin Spice Gum
Trying to quit pumpkin spice? Kick your addiction with pumpkin spice gum! All the flavor without costing you 520 calories per latte.








There you have it, folks. What are the most ridiculous pumpkin-flavored products you’ve seen? Any worth trying? Leave your comments below!

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